Comments and Critques

Please feel free to comment and critique on all aspects of the story and its execution. Ask questions on anything that isn't clear. Thank you for taking the time to read.

Thursday, June 5, 2014

0002 - meeting

The street lamp outside blew, sending shards of glass pecking at my window. Sleep would be hard to come by tonight.
My alarm went off. I groaned into my pillow. I didn't want to get up but there was no point in staying in bed. I struggled out of the sheets binding me to my mattress, damp fabric clinging, taking what little energy I had left.
Snaking my legs over the edge, my toes seeking the floor like a forked tongue, I stepped into a thick black goo. It covered the toes of both feet, my right thigh and my left buttocks. Picture a dark vacuum sealed plastic package or … one of those shiny latex fetish catsuits with a zipper over the mouth hole.
I gasped for air and sucked in evil, thick as crude oil. I tried to go to my safe place but I had a hard time remembering where that is.
The attack lasted for three minutes.I know because I counted off the seconds in my head to distract myself from the pain.
I thought meeting an angel would be pleasurable not painful. Electric shocks; crashing thunder; crushing darkness: Iron needles pierced my head behind my eyes.
I directed my sight at him but my vision slid off the edges of his body. Onto? Into? Six black wings, opaque and massive as the point of no return.
I was on the verge of my own personal event horizon.


  1. nice intense.

    think i would slow it down a bit, play up the attack a bit and let us see it more...maybe even open with her in bed in thought about the previous night or something that gives a little room for character development so that we care a bit more about her before the attack....just a few thoughts....smiles.