Comments and Critques

Please feel free to comment and critique on all aspects of the story and its execution. Ask questions on anything that isn't clear. Thank you for taking the time to read.

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

0004 - pinch me

   The pains in my stomach brought me to full consciousness, but my physical self was still out of synch with my mind, like the way TV images used to have white shadows back in the 60’s. I felt dizzy and nauseous. I stood bent double, head down. I held onto the bedside table and took a couple of steps then I ran, tripping over the bathroom rug and crashing to my knees before the toilet. I threw up all over the seat. I threw up until nothing came up except bits of my stomach lining.
   When the heaving stopped, I collapsed onto the cold tile floor, pressing my cheek down, trying to cool my fever. I lay there hyperventilating.
{You just have the flu.} I moved my face away from the vomit splatter near my nose. {Hallucinating because of sickness is better than actually coming face to face with an incarnation of Lucifer.}
I rose slowly onto my hands and knees. I crawled, inch by inch, pulling the bathroom trashcan along with me, you know, just in case. I knew I was close to my destination when I felt the rug burn my knees. I stopped by the bed and rested my forehead on the mattress. I took three deep breaths and heaved my body back into bed.
I lay there, naked, unable to pull the sheet over myself. I didn’t bother to try since I knew I was alone. The breeze from the ceiling fan cooled me. Tiny clicks on the wall by my head, like the soft tapping of fingernails on a mirror, drew my eyes up.
“Hitting bottom will be like sitting on a mountain top by the time I finish with you.”
I screamed.


  1. Oh, my! What an ending!

    I especially like the part about dragging the trash can along. I've done that a time or two and can really sympathize.

  2. that one line of dialogue really stands out...

    i hate to puke. ha.